It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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