sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
