fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize