Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
