She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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