I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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