Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
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