Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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