He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
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I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
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Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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