You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
