we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It's shark week go big or go home
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
