So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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