Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
