Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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