I wish I could teleport
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
