I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
