Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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