Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
