Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
