The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
