Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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