i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
