yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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