If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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