do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
