My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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