your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
How does it feel to date your dad?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
