When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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