i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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