His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
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i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
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Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
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