I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
