I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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