I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
