don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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