is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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