It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
