Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
