like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I made him laugh his dick is mine
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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