farters have to be the big spoon...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
