Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
