Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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