cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
