The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
