blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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