either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
