So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I love you. Go after that dick
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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