Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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