my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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