the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
