I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
