I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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