absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
