genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
