girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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