Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
