ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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