i love accidental penises.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
